185. The Rules You Never Wrote

Most of the rules you are holding people to... your partner, your kid, your parent, your friend ...you did not write.

You inherited them.

In this second episode of The Truth About Relationships, I take you deeper into the silent rulebook running every relationship in your life. Where did these rules come from? Who taught them to you? Are they even true?

Most of the rules running in your head right now were absorbed long before you had the capacity to evaluate any of them... from the household you grew up in, the religion you were raised in, the first heartbreak that wounded you, the era you came of age in, the culture you were shaped by. And then you took those rules and have been running them on the people in your life ever since.

This episode covers:

• What these silent rules actually are (and why they cause more relational suffering than betrayal or distance ever do)
• Where the rules came from and the deeper question almost no one stops to ask
• Why so many of these rules are not facts... they are inherited beliefs that have never been examined
• The difference between a want, a want match, a request, a rule, and a threat
• The deeply personal story of a recent moment with her son... a forgotten birthday, an emotional reaction, and the rule Leah had to put down

The work is not throwing out every rule. The work is knowing they exist and asking the harder question: whose rules are these, and is what they say even true?

You can love someone fully and still ask for what you want. You just don't get to require them to perform for rules they never agreed to.

You are 100% lovable. So are they. Worth is a birthright. The work is the love.